Guilt and Goblins

Jinge had a good look at the map and led us through the dim forest. I really wanted a shower by this time, but I tried to keep my mouth shut. It was a quiet walk apart from Ciaran mumbling strategies to himself, and Donal reciting his lessons to his bodyguard (and teacher). Eventually the trees became thinner, and the brush more sparse, so we were able to ride our horses again. Donal asked if I’d like to ride on his horse, to give Ciaran’s a rest.

Since Ciaran probably hated me and the saddle was more comfortable, I agreed and climbed up behind him. The young Faery King asked me about my college life, and got me talking about my various professors and roommates of the semester. He seemed fascinated with human life, as if it was something glamorous.

“Don’t be silly.” I told him. “Most of it is annoying.”

Donal laughed. “I’ll just pop in for the good bits, then. I never was allowed in the human world without constant supervision.”

“Where did you go?”

“We visited large cities for the most part. No one usually notices us in crowded places, and the people are easy to practice on.”

Awkward. “What did you practice?”

“Magic, of course. The king has to have a complete understanding how both faeries and humans think so he can keep peace. So mostly I would talk to people, and then make them forget me. Jinge took me to the slums to learn how to fight, but that didn’t work out well,” Donal paused to rub his nose in embarrassment. “So he had me focus on persuasion and mind control. I’m much better at that.” he told me proudly.

I laughed. “What do you do? Hypnotism?”

“Would you like to see?” Donal turned his head and grinned at me.

“She would not.” Ciaran butted in sternly. “Leave her alone.”

“But I have to practice on somebody!”

“Convince yourself to be less annoying, then.”

The little teenager shrunk and pouted like a scolded puppy, glancing back at his older cousin to see the effect it had. Ciaran ignored him.

A thought occurred to me. “Could you teach me how to resist spells like that?”

“Hmm?” Donal tilted his head to one side. “I think so. Up to a certain point, at least. See, Ciaran? She is interested!”

Ciaran looked at me with something like his old smile. “You’re being too nice.”

“We’re stopping here.” Jinge called back to us. “There’s a human settlement nearby, and we had better cross it by night.”

"Why?" I asked.

"Jinge can't be disguised in the daylight." Donal explained. I didn't want to ask further, but have since had it explained to me that goblins can only be hidden in shadows. Daylight exposes their bodies completely, which is good news! Even flashlights and fire light make them semi-visible. I mean, the dark is still scary, but at least we're not in danger all the time! And to add to that good news, humans are not very appetizing to them. Because we don't come in contact with magic very often, we are like the most bland food you can think of. And I mean really bland. The kind you cannot stand to eat without some flavor added to it unless you have to. So most humans are not in danger of being eaten by goblins in the world today. 

I suggested that I go into the town and get some food and water (we were low on clean water), since I still had my wallet and some cash on me.  I wasn’t sure if this was in Canada or not, but I hoped they could at least exchange my money fairly easily. The group agreed to my plan and added more to my shopping list. Soon the walk back sound less and less appealing. I sighed and unclasped my cloak.

Not thirty yards from the camp, Ciaran came running to catch up with me.

“I didn’t want you to have to carry all of that alone.” he said.

I smiled (and almost started skipping). The town was at least two miles away. We walked downhill in only slightly awkward silence until I asked if he was going to use a human disguise while in the town.

“I suppose I’d better.” Ciaran answered. “I don’t quite pass as a human, do I?”

           He didn’t. His hair was still too nice, and abnormally long. His face was dirty, but his purple eyes stood out. If nothing else, someone would remember his odd clothes and boots. He stopped walking and concentrated for a moment. I watched curiously as his hair turned brown and short, and his skin took on a different, darker tone. His clothes changed too, into jeans, T-shirt, and a jacket. His face looked the same as the first time I’d met him. I abruptly turned and kept walking. 
           “Looks convincing.” I said, giving him a thumbs up as I hurried down the hill.

After walking through a lot of bushes, we found a flat and boring dirt road. I decided to try and speak about the last four years using the objective and understanding therapist approach.

“So, what happened?”

            He looked at me, eyes tired. “Hm? With what?”
            “With you!” I said impatiently. That didn’t last long. “What happened that would make you say that?”

“Say what?” he was confused.

“That you wish you’d never met me!”

Ciaran looked down. “I...”

“Did you go to prison because of me? Is that why you hate me?” Oh no, I was rapidly descending into the mode of an exaggerating, emotional female! Retreat! Retreat!

            “No! Well, yes, I did go to prison because of you, but that’s not your fault!” he tried to assure me. “I don’t hate you!”
            “But you said--”
            “I said I was sorry; that’s quite the opposite!”

I was filled with remorse, which felt something akin to watching one’s own blood seep out of a paper cut. “How long were you in there?”

“It wasn’t long! It wasn’t long at all! It was only a disciplinary punishment! I am a prince, after all. Don’t be silly.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “It’s my fault that you’re here against your will, and that your life is in danger. I don’t blame you for anything!”

I stared at him. “Then... you’ve been blaming just yourself this whole time?”

“Well, yes. It’s my fault.” Ciaran repeated. “I was thoughtless and nearly got you killed twice. I’ve ruined your life by dragging you into all of this.”

“No, you --” With a sigh of relief, I shook my head and rested it on his chest. “You poor, sweet idiot. You haven’t ruined anything.” I wrapped my arms tightly around the stupid faery and laughed. Four years of guilt and all for nothing.